It's much too long

Yes, I know: It is much too long, but you don't have to read it all at once.
Take your time. Read a little at a time, and next time a little more.
Or, in fact, if you don't like it, don't read it at all.
This time, instead of posting it in sections, which makes the end come first, I posted it as one single entry.
So, give it a try! You might like it. 
The story is essentially true. I just embellished it a bit when I wasn't actually there.

Bertstravels was there for much of it.