It is the World's second largest Bank, and has in excess of 2.671 Trillion Dollars.
(that's Trillions) on deposit from over 60 million customers.
More than 10 years ago, I was one of those customers and my deposit there formed a part of the total deposits, too tiny to measure or too insignificant to express in numbers.
Yet today I received a letter from their office in Montreal, a letter, opened by me with some trepidation and wildest expectations.
What could it be ?
Did I win the "Least Important Customer" Award ?
Or could it be that they found an error in one of my transactions, which, with compound interest now amounts to a huge sum ?
Which I owe them ?
Or they owe me ?
The envelope carried, in red capital letters this bilingual imprint:
IMPORTANT INFORMATION ENCLOSED * RENSEIGNEMENTS IMPORTANTS A L'INTERIEUR
With somewhat shaking hands I opened this ominous looking envelope.
Then I put it down on the top of my desk.
For a few minutes I could not get myself to remove the content (one sheet of paper) from the torn envelope.
I poured myself a glass of good wine. A Chardonnay from the Napa Valley, which I had kept for just such an occasion. I first took a little sip of the wine, then, in one fell swoop I emptied the whole glass.
Then I leaned back in my swivel chair and slowly I withdrew this thrice folded sheet of paper.
With eyes closed, I held it tenderly between thumbs and first fingers of both hands.
I swallowed hard and slowly I began to read:
Dear Egbert H Reitter,
(so far, so good.. they knew my First Name, my middle initial and spelled my name with 2 ts )
This surely was a promising beginning and, as it behoves a British Banking Corporation they came right to the crux, the point, the issue of this entire mega transaction:
... and then the opening sentence, which must be the opening sentence of every letter, ever written by any banker:
"A review of our records show...."
Ha! I caught them at a grammatical error. so, if they want Zillions of Dollars from me, I can prolong the issue ad infinitum, due to such a glaring mistake:
"A revue" is singular... there was evidently just one revue... therefore it should be: "shows"...
with an "s" at the end of "show". ( third person singular )
I breathed a little easier. Any Corporation, even a bank, even the second largest bank in the world, if it can make such a mistake, can be defeated.
I rolled up my shirt sleeves, ready to do battle.
Then I read on and it became evident to me that nobody, but absolutely nobody ( with the possible exception of a Banker ) would believe me: I decided right then and there to photograph this letter and the envelope and post it here as proof of the absolute integrity and honesty of HSBC, the second largest bank in the entire world... with ZigZillions of Dollars on deposit from "a whole bunch of people like you and me" as well as from super large Corporations !
Back to the letter:
A review of our records show(!) that there is a credit balance of $0.01 on your HSBC Master Card account, which has been inactive for some time.
To request a refund, you can contact us by phone at 1-866-406-4722 or write to us at the following address.
HSBC Bank Canada
PO Box 100
Station M
Montreal, Quebec
H1V 3L6
We appreciate your time and hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely
Edgar Barbosa.
Head of Credit Cards and Unsecured Lending
HSBC Bank Canada.
Can you imagine ? The world's second largest Bank with untold Zillions of $$$ on deposit, serving 60 Million customers in 6600 branches, all over the world... owes me money.
They do business in the USA, Canada, Mexico, in every country in south America, including Fire Island (?)
in Africa, ( I know that they are present in Kenia, Tanzania, Botswana, Zimbabwe and South Africa, because I have seen their offices in these places ) of course in every country in Europe and everywhere in Asia as well as Australia.... did I forget anybody or have I mentioned every nook and cranny in the world ?
This Bank, which is the second largest in the w.....
owes me money ! Sure it's only one miserable Cent, but... they admit that they owe me money...
Anyway, they are everywhere and therefore they cannot escape me.
I've got them cornered.
If they won't pay up in Austria, I will serve them a writ of collection in Zimbabwe when next I go there.... or in Canada, I'll be there all of July...
I shall follow them into the remotest corner of this globe.
You hear ? HSBC !
You cannot escape... you might as well give up and send me the $0.01 by certified cheque....
or deliver it in CASH to Bleiburg in Lower Carinthia... that's right next to a place called Raune in Slovenia.
Bertstravels
is prepared to accept Euros, Can$ or US$... no Rubels please.
the images above and below are genuine documents
received yesterday. Sent by HSBC at a cost of about $2.00.
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