What's the Score?

I, recently, had a conversation (via e-mail) with an American friend of mine, who, while a friend of Soccer is not exactly an aficionado. He let it be known, that he regrets the low scoring games.
How, he ventured, can a 1:0 or a 1:1 game be exciting?
Is it not exciting, I asked him, when, for instance, a goalkeeper, with an incredible lunge, prevents the ball from entering the goal just in the little space where the upright meets the crossbar? Is it not exciting when a midfield player takes the ball and with unbelievable dexterity brings it crossfield, passing it off to an attacker at the last moment, who takes one powerful shot and the ball either just misses one of the uprights, or bangs off the crossbar, back into the field of play?
The game ends 1:0 , or even 0:0 and still was a nailbiter from the opening whistle to the 90 minute mark (plus extra time).
However, in order to assuage my American friends disappointment, I herewith issue an official, in fact, a very official recommendation to FIFA, the governing body of Soccer-Football, to add to the existing rules the following:
Maybe, some of the Ideas of American Football could be incorporated into the "Beautiful Game."
Rule change #1.) 
If the ball (that is this round thingy which gets kicked around mercilessly by 22 big guys) crosses, in its complete circumference, the goal line between the two uprights and under the crossbar, and providing no breach of the rules has occurred prior to such crossing (Like off-side, tripping, pushing, etc etc, ) the scorekeeper shall record 12 points.
Rule change #2.)
If the ball sails over the crossbar, but between the upward extended imaginary extension of the uprights, 6 points shall be awarded and, finally, 
Rule change # 3.)
if the shot misses either of the uprights by just a 'smidgen', the award shall be 3 points only.
It will be the task of a special FIFA commission to determine and write a 25 page explanation of the concept of 'smidgen'.
With these rule changes in place, and additional scorekeepers at both goals, raising the total of game officials to six, or more than half a team, the score at the end of the game: Guatemala against the Ivory Coast  could easily be 246: 258.
And won't that be exciting?

Bertstravels
has played, coached and watched Soccer
all his life, and is totally happy with a 1:0 result.